Funk If I Know…

Okay, no Kid Rock at the Inauguration because of his suggestive lyrics and denigration of women. But apparently the people that booked the entertainment don’t have a lot of imagination – hence the booking of Phunkiphino for the Independence Ball. Apparently they didn’t pass their Hooked On Phonics courses, but what can you expect from this administration?

Ben Stein, the poster boy for good clean monologues (not), is emceeing the Democracy Ball. And A Celebration Of Freedom will feature Dale Earnhart and the Radio City Rockettes to the delight of NASCAR Dads and, well, NASCAR Dads. Of course, everyone knows that the Rockettes are the epitome of wholesomeness and appropriate role models for today's empowered females...

Coronation Feat: Who's Who #
The line-up for the entertainment at the official inaugural balls follows after the jump. We were pleased to see that each personage is given a one-word tagline, in case you didn't know that "Kelsey Grammar" is an "Actor" or "Gloria Estefan is a "Singer," or -- okay, we were a little surprised to learn that "Don King" is "Boxing." Of course, they're all "Whores."

Of course, there are some greats performing, like the Guy Lombardo and Tommy Dorsey Orchestras, but most of the others seem to be as flavorless as possible in order to not offend anyone. It's like going to a chili cookoff for ulcer sufferers. You'll need to bring your own spice. Or a Bland-aid.