Sharpening our wits on the grindstone of Life: Hollywood's latest attempt to gayify our kids .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Sharpening our wits on the grindstone of Life

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Hollywood's latest attempt to gayify our kids

Video with SpongeBob Alarms Christian Groups

It's a good thing that the religious right community is looking after us. Otherwise, I would have never known that SpongeBob SquarePants was gay. Apparently, he lives in a pineapple (Get it? A fruit!), and cavorts in his underwear with his other gender-neutral friends in the water. Sounds like the perfect Will & Grace dream sequence to me.

SpongeBob might as well ride off into the sunset with Tinky Winky, because we know what detrimental effect controversy has on merchandising. Once the religious right condemns you, you'll never be able to sell another lunchbox or boxer shorts gift set again. Of course that didn't work with South Park, but then they had a deal with the devil, so that doesn't count.

As long as we're outing fictional characters, why stop there. Its time we set the record straight. Of course, everyone knows about Peter Pan, but no one ever said anything. I guess Neverland has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. And the Mad Hatter? Puh-leez! Flamboyant as they come. And the White Rabbit might also be gay, or just British.

Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Nuff said. Santa's elves? No question. And any superhero who wears tights. Yes, that includes Superman. Hey, you gotta draw the line somewhere. Admit it, doesn't Clark Kent act like that guy in your office who never seems to date girls?

Now that we know what we're up against, whaddya say we set about removing these influences so our children won't get any ideas we don't want them to have. We haven't had a good book burning in ages.

Does this scare you as much as it does me? It should. That's the direction our society's "moral compass" is pointing towards. Today it's SpongeBob, tomorrow Lewis Carroll. Where will it all end? Tune in next time. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel!


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