Purple is the new red

Some parents raising a stink over teachers' red ink

So that’s what’s been wrong all along. I thought it was just that we put too much emphasis on teaching tests, and not enough on teaching children. Turns out it’s the red ink that teachers use to grade papers that causes poor performance. It causes stress in the students. So they’re being encouraged to use other colors to tell kids they’re stupid.

I thought students were supposed to feel stress. It encourages problem solving, and keeps them awake. Besides, purple causes me to feel stress, especially when it’s on a big purple dinosaur nattering away at some inane song or another.

It’s all part of the No Excuse Left Behind education plan. At least it doesn’t involve goats. ‘Cause then the terrorists will have won.