Sunday Funnies

"Having Alzheimer's makes things simple at Easter. You can hide your own eggs."

"If we don't protect the few people at the very top of society so that they can continue to rip off the common folk to make billions upon billions of dollars in profits, then by God, the terrorists have already won!"


"Have you read the Koran? Do you know what these poor dupes are being promised in the afterlife as a reward for flying jetliners into office buildings? Fresh fruit, chilled water, cushy lawn furniture and dark-eyed teenage girls. Would someone at the US Information Agency please inform these people that in America they can purchase all this stuff at Walmart any time they want?!"
---John Alejandro King a.k.a. The Covert Comic




"Only intelligent people experience depression, because who can really be happy fully comprehending the hate in the world?"



"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"





I'd like to take advantage of this early opportunity to wish all of you an enjoyable Christmas season and a happy New Year filled with good fortune. Of course I realize this can't happen for everyone. Some of you are going to die next year, and others will be crippled and maimed in accidents, perhaps even completely paralyzed. Still others will be stricken with diseases that can't be cured, or will be horribly scarred in fires. And lets not forget the robberies and rapes - there'll be lots of them. Therefore many of you will not be able to enjoy the happy and fortunate New Year I'm wishing for you. So just try and do the best you can.

--- George Carlin



"Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands.
Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them."




"Now, normally I don't mind vegetarians, but I really hate it when they get all superior and preachy about the evils of eating meat. Once I was on a date with this girl and she was a vegetarian, and she started on me about the steak I was eating. So I looked at her and said, "If you want to only eat vegetables, that's fine with me, but the way I see it, this cow used to be a vegetarian, and look how things turned out for him."

--- Harlan Williams


The greatest lies of all time:
I love you
This won't hurt a bit
The check's in the mail
I was just going to call you
I'm on your side, you can trust me
Of course I'll respect you in the morning
We have a really challenging assignment for you
I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you