It's Groundhog Day! Again!

I must be caught in some kind of weird space/time continuum. I could have sworn that yesterday was Groundhog Day. Yet, the date stamp on my cell phone says February 2, and the Weather Channel is featuring Punxutawney Phil – again!

Just so you don’t think I’m losing it, here’s what’s going to happen today – again:

• Bush will lie to us in his State of the Union Address (okay, that’s a given). He will declare the election in Iraq a resounding success, but will warn us that we yet have a long, difficult road ahead before we can bring troops home. Will claim validation of war, yet no mention of WMDs. World safer, blah blah, tyrants everywhere beware, blah blah, Social Security in dire need of fixin’, blah blah blah.
• John Kerry will rant and rave about inconsistencies in information coming from the current regime. Ravenwood will jump in with both feet and pummel him mercilessly (Okay, I mixed metaphors. But it’s true.).
• More soldiers will die in Iraq.
• Anna Kournikova won’t return my calls, even though I know she was making eyes at me at the tsunami relief benefit tournament last weekend. It’s all that creepy Dr. Phil’s fault for horning in on my action.
• Pope John Paul II will not be released from the hospital as planned. An inside source reveals, “He’s old. And sick”. Meanwhile, his devout minions are frantically searching for the elusive Fountain of Youth.

All this, and no Andie MacDowell. Let’s just hope tomorrow is not Groundhog Day again. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.