Sharpening our wits on the grindstone of Life: Social Security reform reformed .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

Sharpening our wits on the grindstone of Life

Friday, February 18, 2005

Social Security reform reformed

Finally! Someone has come up with an alternative to Dubya's Social Security plan. Leave it to Giblets over at Fafblog to make sense of an issue that makes no sense. Case in point:

Under Old Social Security, which Giblets has cleverly dubbed "Social Insecurity," your payroll taxes pay for the retirement of old people, and when you are old other people's payroll taxes pay for for you. This system is demographically flawed and will explode! But under Giblets's new plan, "Partial Gibletization," a portion of your payroll taxes go towards the funding of a kick-ass party for Giblets in a big mansion made of gold with a huge pool and a ton of hot naked chicks, which will stimulate the economy and encourage job growth! The rest of your taxes will go towards making a rocket ship that will launch old people into the sun.

See what I mean? I think we should go further, though, and make the most of the resources available to us. We've been told for the past few decades that our greatest natural resource is our people. Sure, by launching our elderly into the sun it will add to the solar energy available to us, but there's already more there than we can use. Why not use them here, where resources are rapidly diminishing?

We can use them in their current form as an alternate energy source. It may seem like manual labor is a step backward, but given the current economy, the price of fuel and wage disparity, an old guy with a rickshaw may still be a more economical mode of transportation than filling up the Hummer with unleaded.

But what about those too old and infirm to labor for the greater good? Even the most feeble of seniors can contribute to society. There's a lot of protein in the human body. Instead of consuming dog food in their waning years, they can provide it. Soylent Green, anyone?

And as for the kick-ass party, please invite me. I'll be dog food myself before long, and I want to make the most of the years remaining to me. Though in my case, the chicks will be baby chickens. I like mine sautee'd in tabasco with roquefort on the side. And an extra plate for the bones.

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