The Grasshopper and the Ants

or,

how Social Security solvency can be achieved without private accounts, using the new Food Pyramid

Now that the 'private accounts' method of Social Security solvency plan is dead in the water, the administration has taken a new tack towards solving the future deficit problems.

The new Food Pyramid turns the current thinking on its head, giving us vertical choices rather than horizontal. For those of you who are perpendicularly challenged, that means up and down, rather than side to side. Efforts to turn black to white are already being tested, as evidenced by the pope election smoke experiment.

The new nutrition guidelines include changing units of measurement from "servings" (aw c'mon, Dad! That is one serving! It fits in the bowl, doesn't it?), to "cups" and "ounces", which are not easily measured by modern containers. Can you see ordering a double latte mocha frappiccino in ounces?

Where this new nutrition plan really rocks is how it solves Social Security solvency without the need for private accounts. By offering different recommendations for different lifestyles and activity levels, it makes it easier for Americans to comply with the guidelines, and at the same time help the economy.

For example, if you're poor or a Democrat, and hopefully both, the guidelines call for a high cholesterol, high carbohydrate, low exercise program that is easy to maintain. In the long run, it will result in a reduced lifespan, thereby freeing up Social Security dollars for those who really deserve it - namely Republicans who have worked hard but spent all their money on boats and guns and things, so they haven't bothered to save for retirement.

It's a win-win situation. The lazy, gluttonous libruls (grasshoppers) get what they want - an easy life. The industrious, right-thinking lemmings (ants) get what they want - government subsidies when they don't feel like workin' no more.

Unless there are extenuating factors, like Progressives who work hard for a living, yet still have compassion for those who don't have the leverage to lift themselves up out of poverty in order to make changes in the way society treats them.

In that case, you'd better have donuts. Progressives like donuts. And I don't recall seeing donuts anywhere in the Food Pyramid. I think these guys need to rethink their strategy.